How to Deal with being Cheated On

The last thing anybody ever wants to find out is that somebody they cared about cheated on them.  The reality is it happens – a lot.  Coping with the situation can be very difficult depending on the duration of the relationship.  Regardless of whether you have been in an 11 month relationship or an 11 year relationship it still hurts.  However , what’s done is done now you need to take these 3 steps in an attempt to move past this. 

Accept it:  It’s not going to be easy but in order to move forward you are going to have to face the fact that your spouse has cheated on you.  No amount of wishing will change what has happened.  Don’t expect to accept it overnight, that usually doesn’t happen – give it time. 

Try to avoid blowing up on your spouse as it will just push them farther away, what you need to do is find out what went wrong.

Assess the situation:  Did you do something specific to push your significant other into the arms of somebody else?  Try and talk to him or her and find out why.  Keep in mind the answer they give you may not be the real underlying reason.  For example, if you get “it just happened”, well, there’s a reason why it just happened.  Maybe you haven’t been around enough or maybe they don’t feel like you care anymore. 

However, the reason could have been completely out of your control and nothing you had done or could do could have changed it.  You’re going to need to reflect on your relationship right now, what is going to happen?

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Where to go now:  The relationship is sitting at a cross road right now.  You can break up or you can work it out.  You need to decide how important this person is to you, if it truly was a one time thing or they are likely to do it again.  I can’t tell you if your spouse is the type of person that will cheat again, only you know that.

Whatever conclusion you come too, it's going to take some time together and some time alone.  The alone time is going to really be the key.  I recommend going somewhere that you enjoy, preferably a quite place and really spend some time thinking.  Perhaps go on a walk, or go down to the beach and watch the ocean.

Evaluate your current situation, what went wrong, and what you're going to do about it.  It may be in your best interest to split up - despite how your feeling.  Really listen to your gut, it will guide you to the right place even when your brain is saying something completely different.

Remember, nothing is ever over.  If you love your spouse enough it is possible to work through it, but both of you have to want to.  It can't be a one person effort; for example, if your lover cheated on you, you can't let them be the only one trying to fix the relationship and make it up to you.  You have to help out too.  Compromise will go along way to help you get your relationship back on track.